Blue Mile Podcast – Occupy Alderaan
I’m having an identity crisis. Ever since I was a youngling, I believed that my heart truly belonged to the movement of the Rebel Alliance. As a privileged, white, upper middle class female, I was raised to think that I was questioning authority by utilizing the Socratic Method while regurgitating the liberal agenda that was being spoon-fed to me by my left-wing commie teachers. Obviously. My name has appeared at the bottom of countless documents supporting the liberal agenda. Gay marriage is ok marriage! Keep the US government out of my womb! No blood for oil!
Last month I split from my domestic partner of four years. I braved the Champlain and drove to visit a friend from college in downtown Burlington. We were to meet in a tea shop and validate each other’s angst. So here I am, thinking insularly, acting selfishly, and finding a parking spot. As I round the corner the roar of the unwashed masses reached me. “You are the 99%!” they told me as I was enveloped. Conveniently, the parade was headed towards my destination, and like a passive participant on a Lazy River, I accidentally Occupied Burlington.
Why did I not get excited? Why did I not jump for joy at the opportunity to be a part of my generation’s movement? The answer, my friends, is one that would break the heart of previous incarnations of myself: Things are going pretty well for me as it stands. I am employed by a decent organization that is paying me above the living wage. I’m insured, housed, clothed, and fed. To take off and hunker on down on Wall Street would cost a bus ticket—and my employment status. And then how would I pay my student loans?
And so it hits me. I am one of those sad bastards that was blown up on the Death Star. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not enlisting as a member of the 501st. (Wait. Did they accept women? THOSE SEXIST BASTARDS.) You know, I would have my desk job working for an Empire approved Not-For-Profit. I’d convince myself that I was making a bit of a difference. I certainly wouldn’t be in a position to WikiLeak the secret Death Star plans to the rebels. But hey, it was a trap anyway.
I blame the beta release of Star Wars the Old Republic (SWTOR) for feeding into this Occupy Wall Street guilt. How hypocritical would it be to claim that I was fighting on behalf of the Republic? Yet I’d feel so sith-y if I were to jump the aisle and shake hands with those Ewok haters. (Do you see what I did there? You’re welcome.)
So, rock on, Occupiers. Leia Organa would be proud. And let me know if you want to crash on the couch in my heated house when it gets a little bit colder. We could totally marathon the original trilogy and order a pizza.
January 16, 2012. Eva. No Comments.
What is the Blue Mile Podcast?
We've often wondered the same thing. We're pretty sure that we're a sketch comedy troupe from Upstate New York and New England. We'd tell you more, but your question has sent us into an existential crisis. Thanks a lot.
